My intention with these monthly letters, and for my website christineneillands.com, is to offer you idea’s, reflections, hypnosis and helpful tips from the world of positive psychology, so that you can not only increase your feelings of Inside Confidence, but also together we can take a look inside the topic of confidence. These are a collection of tried and tested gems that work.
Confidence, although a commonly used word, can be quite hard to pin down and define. Every client who has come to see me in almost 25 years of practice has been seeking confidence in some form or another. From the CEO who has developed anxiety in meetings to her teenage son who isn’t sleeping well.
Even the most confident amongst us may reach a challenging life phase that can knock us off track. Ironically it is often those people who others see as “confident” that stifle their fears, keeping them to themselves as they struggle on. Life phases such as; Marriage, Divorce, Promotion, Redundancy, Parenthood, Exams, Moving home and Menopause, to name a few, bring with them challenges.
What if Confidence comes from raising the courage to face our challenge?
I encourage everyone who is facing a challenge to embrace it. The truth is, we raise our self confidence because of our challenges – not in spite of them. Every challenge brings with it a silver lining and every silver lining boosts our Self Confidence when we let it.
What if your current challenge is actually a call to action from your mental, emotional and physical system to waken up and get to know yourself better?
What if you could be much happier than you are feeling right now?
What if your life is meant to feel more fulfilling and your challenge is inviting you to connect more honestly with yourself?
Inside Confidence is……….actively looking for the Jug & the Open Window.
Confidence is not about optimism or pessimism, it’s not about how we view the glass, half full or half empty. What’s exciting is that these are not the only possible options. Both pessimists and optimists are so focused on how they view the glass in their hand that they miss the beautiful truth of the third and fourth options. These equally true realities hold the key to being fulfilled. If we look beyond our glass the jug replenishes us with more: more love, more kindness, more job opportunities, more people to help us, more praise, more appreciation, more understanding………… We just need to remember that it is there.
Even more exciting is the best bit of all- it’s the open window, the spacious potential of our subconscious and superconscious mind. When we open to the vast potential of our subcon and superconscious mind then we can be open to what is just beyond our current awareness; boundless possibilities, inspired solutions, uplifting idea’s and new horizons. We can dissolve the subconscious blocks that have been keeping us stuck and stifled.
Glass half empty:
When we are feeling deflated it is easy to look at our life situation and the resources we have as a glass half empty. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough understanding from our nearest and dearest or our colleagues. When we feel that our glass is half empty we are keeping ourselves stuck in a naval gazing no woman’s land of helplessness. Another way of saying it is, we are stuck in victim. Victim to our circumstances and to the villains that we are projecting onto.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a complete stranger to glass half empty ways of thinking. It’s partly why I became a therapist in the first place. The trouble is, although tempting, it’s not satisfying. Life lacks lustre when we get stuck in “less than” thinking.
Glass half full:
Phew! this feels much better. Feeling that our glass is half full is a lot more cheerful. Life feels a whole lot better when we look at what we have with a sense of appreciation. Research is proving the wellness effects of gratitude. So rock on appreciating that your glass is half full. More about the super power of gratitude another time.
So when our spouse is being aloof or our work colleagues are not appearing to value us we need to reach for and remember the jug. These are the people who are giving us affection and appreciation, admit it they do exist. Then there’s the replenishing time spent with nature in the garden or in the park, the morning swim that breathes away the cobwebs, the chat with the postman. My personal favourite, white wine (joking!…. kind of), a super early night that sets us up for the second half of the week.
If we are truly honest with ourselves our partner does connect with us, it may not be exactly how we want, but it’s their way, the reason we love them in the first place is that they are their own person. If you are still doubtful then maybe a new partner is in order, and that’s ok! The point is, we can replenish ourselves if we choose to. If we decide to lift our gaze a little there is always a jug. The thing to remember is that it is our responsibility to reach for it and our choice to make the effort to refresh ourselves from it.
The Open Window:
Behind our filters, our generalisations, our catastrophizing and beyond our self limiting beliefs lies an open window into the inspirational world of our subconscious and superconscious mind. “The door to enlightenment opens in the way” We can get so stuck in our patterns that we forget to open the window and welcome in this amazing vista. Your potential is boundless and when you access the open window, fulfilment and happiness get a chance to come in. You can dissolve the emotional charge from past events and when that energy shifts so do you.
In short: Your inside confidence grows because of your Challenges not in spite of them. Decide to raise your gaze, expand your awareness and embrace what life is bringing to your door. My advice is to actively look for jugs and open windows <3